Waking up, unsure of what exactly has happened. My mind is confused and my eyes are blurry fighting to comprehend what I’ve done. I finally make out my older brothers face and realize he screaming at me and almost violently shaking me back to life. His face and eyes flicker between anger and fear. Coming out of this daze still discombobulated I’m becoming more and more pissed, “What the fuck is going on? Why are you screaming at me?”
I finally sit up and realize the gravity of the scene my older, my protector, the man who raised me, has walked in on.
Black suit burned onto the bottom of dirty spoons. Orange caps from the uncapped needles on the floor. Brown, practically black mud sludge liquid only half gone from the rig that he pulled from my arm.
It’s all coming back to me now. Remembering the faces that were around me before everything went black. Noticing things that are now missing from my vanity. Realizing that I’ve been robbed and left for dead with my front door unlocked.
Shame washes over me because I can’t believe the one person I have the most respect for had to find me in this condition. I wrapped in with anger I lash out. “What the fuck are you even doing here? Why are you in my house?”
My brother jerks me to my feet and yells in my face.
“You dumb bitch, I came to get you because our grandmother is about to pass and here you are doing the same dumb shit our mother did while we were growing up. You were better than this dumb shit. Now you’re just like her.”
My head is clouding over again, my knees buckle and I feel my brother catching me before I’m in the exact same place that I woke up.
I cannot process. I cannot comprehend.
I cannot breathe. I cannot move.
I was told that this day would be coming but I refuse to accept it. Staying high trying to avoid the inevitable. Now I’m left sitting here, drowning in regret, in moments lost, in time wasted.