Just back from treatment at Old Minto Family Recovery Camp, 5 weeks in the sticks 40 miles downriver only accessible by boat, plane & snowmachine in the winter. Living in a cabin with a roommate ½ the time my kids were supposed to come & stay with me 4 of the 5 weeks but they never showed. Hopefully I am finally able to go home this or next week with my treatment certificate of completion to see them. I’ve been gone 6 months now. The longest Ive ever been away from my kids. I hope they know I love them, that it hurts me to think of them without me, it hurst me to think of them period knowing i’m in here they are out there & there’s not a damn thing I can do to change that. I told my counselor & peers in group at old Minto all the hurts I caused my kids to have (probably not even close to all, but the big ones) and if felt like peeling off a scab I”ve been ashamed to even look at. How you hurt your kids while in active addivction/alchoholism/in jail or away is every mom in jails dark spot they don’t want to shine light on. Same, guilt, fear, not knowing what good looking will do & on tomp being in here. There’s nothing you can do to fix it. For most of us it stays dark, slowly eating us from the inside out. God came to Old Minto Family Recovery Camp & he brought a flashlight so I could navigate my dark spots. I haven’t yet made amends with my kids/their dad(s) but I have a plan to start that, & that in itself is something to write home about. Today I’m thankful for sobriety, God’s help & the umpteenth chance my family (kids) have given their mama.

Daydreamin’ Ladybug