Yesterday I called home to find out my wife had a stroke. She can’t walk or talk or anything so I’m just praying for the best outcome. Yesterday was her birthday. Sad place to be on her birthday. So I’m stressed out that I can’t be there for her like she was there for me when I had my brain aneurysm. I just feel my heart breaking into many pieces knowing that she’s laid up in that hospital bed I talk on the phone and she recognize my voice she smiles and laughs but that’s all that’s a good sign the doctors say she will walk again but with a limp. I just hope that she pulls threw until I get out. I’m praying about that and that she knows I love her. We have been together for over 27 years I hope that she pulls threw and be alright I know that it won’t be the same but at least I will have my wife back in my life. I call home once a week but now I will call more. I won’t have to think about the could have or the should have or I would have called more because its too late by then. I’m thankful for the time I have had with her but I want more I haven’t had enough yet I need her to stay strong and to help my time go by knowing that she is by myside just to hear her voice that keep me going. She has always been my heart and I can’t understand the pain I feel not being able to see her when I want or to hold her hand or to let her know I’m here for her. It’s a lot to handle, but I have to be strong for her. She is a very strong woman she if fighting this like a champ.

I believe in her like she believes in me this whole time I have been down 16 ½ years and she has had my back the whole never judging never putting me down just being there and now when she needs me here I sit behind these prison walls not able to be there for her and that’s stressful to me. So I’m trying to understand boundaries for myself knowing I can’t be there for her and I’m truly sad about it.