I miss my kids. I’ve been here quite a few weeks and I do talk to my kids. I feel as if they aren’t responding/communicating with me as we should. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not at home and they are just kids, or maybe I really put a lot of distance in our relationship this past — for lack of a better word — bender/binder.
I was home in the fall after being at the halfway house and I was sober, but nothing felt right, nothing was working out. There was a civil war in my home and anger/resentment was trickling down. Some things maybe only time can heal. I thought sobriety would have been the answer, but there were so many after effects of my usage and the civil war between parents. Now I talk to my kids and it’s not as it should be.
I long for the days when we used to be a family. Right now, I just want us to be okay. I feel as if I’ve lost credibility with my kids. It’s important that I somehow regain my children’s trust, and, hopefully, I pray and wish that God gives me enough love to pour into them that when whatever issues we each have, I can help them with love that only a mother can give.
I want nothing more than for us to be a family – happy, whole and full of love.